Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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