areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
