i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
