my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
