Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We were destined to go to rehab together
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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