Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Im part way to drunk.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
