Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
