You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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