when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
