Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
