Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
