stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
