Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
