I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
