is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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