Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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