mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
