sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
