My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
