I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they call him Oral-B. enough said
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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