I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
