I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
