No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
