Plan B is the new Plan A
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
