think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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