Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
