I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
