good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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