Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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