Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
