Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
