You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
