my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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