another moral hangover. fuck.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
