Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
