I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
