Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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