She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
