everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
