I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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