Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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