What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
well you can't waste a boner
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
