i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
