Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
