May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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