Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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