I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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