you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
