you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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