Who wears a wallet chain?!
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
